How Good Do We Have to Be

How Good Do We Have to Be? by Harold S. Kushner is correctly subtitled ‘A New Understanding of Guilt and Forgiveness’ and this reflects what the author is trying to reveal throughout his book and his conclusions. Rabbi Harold Samuel Kushner is a prominent American Rabbi and a popular author. Kushner has written a series of theological books, some of them best-sellers, about human suffering and the affirmation of life. How Good Do We Have to Be? deals with the re-interpretation of biblical key events and their supposed messages in a Judeo-Christian light. Based on these revisions, the author is trying to develop an alternative view that should enable followers of the two beliefs to rethink their approaches in certain traditionally and historically conflict laden areas of their existence. He then offers an array of solutions on how to live in a more harmonic fashion with those around us that we cherish the most and that at the same time are often in the most complicated relationships with us.

            Kushner starts with the story of the rejection of Adam and Eva from paradise. According to him, this story has been radically misinterpreted through the ages as a story of disobedience and divine punishment, he claims. In a Judeo-Christian context, Adam and Eve are severely punished for one single mistake and driven out of paradise as a result. The author concludes that because of holding on to this interpretation through the ages, the believers started to hang on to the illusion that in life they could control events by doing everything right. Moreover, the God in this interpretation was portrait as an unforgivable and cruel God, which as a result prompted generations of parents to treat their children the same way, punish them with rejection, if they failed in the eyes of the parent. This, in Kushner’s opinion laid way to a society that linked guilt to shame and that considered their mistakes a lack or permanent flaw of themselves instead of separating the deed from the doer. He emphasizes that even though the role of the Israelite prophets was to bring the message and guidelines in how to follow the right life-codes, they themselves committed sins and mistakes. However, he concludes, God continued to love them; what he hated was the sin they might have committed, but not the person. Therefore, he deduces that a person does not have to be perfect to be loved, nor should one expect that the people around us are perfect, even or especially those that are most beloved to us. His message is that when you love, you should love the whole person with all their quirks and weaknesses, conscious of their faults. At some point he explains that his experiences as a clergyman and a counselor have taught him “that much of the unhappiness people feel burdened by, much of the guilt, much of the sense of having been cheated by life, stems from one of two related causes: either somewhere along the way, somebody - a parent, a teacher, a religious leader - gave them the message that they were not good enough, and they believed it. Or else they came to expect and need more from the people around them --- their parents, children, husbands, or wives - than those people could realistically deliver....” Consequently it is the unrealistic expectation that we ourselves could be perfect or someone in this world could be perfect that is haunting us in our perception of ourselves and our relations with others. Kushner declares that only if we are ready to forgive ourselves and the ones around us, are we able to become wholly-hearted or tamim (in proper translation ‘complete’) human beings. He also explains to the readers, that the three punishments that resulted from the expulsion from paradise, the labor to earn one’s living, pain and effort of procrastination and mortality, are actually important factors for our live and fulfillment as human beings, who are constantly looking for purpose, love and acceptance, and who need the reminder of time to be the best they can be during the time allotted to them.

I understand that in the concept of the Judeo-Christian traditions, Kushner might have touched on a subject that is important for many: The removal of guilt and shame for imperfections and the adjustment of the idea that God is cruel and chastising. Personally, however, while understanding his concerns and issues, I am having difficulties relating to the problems he is talking about. The interpretation, that Adam and Eve were punished and therefore banned from paradise is not the whole truth – I can agree with the author here. In the interpretations that I am familiar with as a Muslim, God knows from the moment He creates mankind everything about it. God is omniscient, and therefore a ‘mistake’ from the first created humans is not something that surprises him, makes him angry, or leads him to change the established course, that he has degreed for all humans. In the Qur’an, God introduces the human being to the angels; He has already announced to them, that this being is meant to live on earth. Therefore the angels answer: "Wilt thou place therein one who will make mischief therein and shed blood? Whilst we do celebrate Thy praises and glorify Thy holy (name)?" He said: "I know what ye know not." [Al-Quran, 2:30] According to this quote, does he not only know, that His creation will live on earth, but he is even aware that they are going to commit, what is called the ‘first murder on earth’ and many others after that. This does not leave much space for the speculation of a cruel god and therefore, in Islam, what is emphasized about God is His Forgiveness and Mercy. He is Merciful enough to care for his creation, their needs on all levels are taken care of and obviously, he practices forgiveness, which has already sufficiently proven by the examples Kushner provided himself concerning the stories of the prophets. He knows about our imperfections from the beginning, and He alone carries the right to be called perfect. How could we ever assume that the creation can surpass or equal the creator? Obviously, in my culture the guilt complex of the original sin does not exist. Therefore,  and because the only Perfect One is God, we do not struggle with the assumption, that we have to be perfect in order to be loved or cared for by God or others. We are aware that we are not perfect, but we also believe, that every human carries as a sign of his origin, a soul and a divine nature, in his or her blue print. This causes us to respect every human for what he or she is and we recognize that everyone carries a special blessing in his or her existence as part of a godly creation. When it comes to the difficulties of marriage, the Quran states: “….and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.” (Quran Al-Baqarah:216). This verse is calling us to adopt an attitude of tolerance, wisdom and forgiveness in our relationship, because oftentimes we do not know what is good for us, and a thing that we find unpleasant might be a thing that we need in our life, but we are lacking the wisdom to realize this and vice versa. Basically, this characterizes the way we are supposed to deal with human imperfections. Accepting these flaws into our life and dealing gently with it, as we are called on multiple occasions to treat people around us with kindness and understanding. One example is the tradition of the Prophet Muhammad, who said: “The best among you is the one who is the best towards his wife.” [Hadith-Muslim, #3466].

While becoming aware of the fact that the set of issues Kushner is discussing in his book is of little personal relevance for me, it made me realize, how much social and spiritual impact a misinterpretation of a single event of a scripture can bring onto a society and its members. It is astonishing to observe how the cycle of guilt and shame has been passed on –wrongfully- and how the negativity that is accompanying this interpretation has spread in realms of people’s existence that we would not suspect to be touched to this degree by an event that took place in a different context and has only be looked at so far from one single perspective (until Kushner offered his alternative interpretation).  

Although, the author is providing solutions for the issues he is raising, he misses the point from my perspective. I agree that humans look for a purpose in life, but that does not have to be through labor to support themselves, and it is most likely not the generally preferred way to bring purpose to someone’s life. In his examples the author names personalities like J.F. Kennedy and likes, in short people, who are wealthy enough that they do not have to work for their living any more. However, so Kushner argues they go out and work to give purpose to their lives. While I agree that these men or women might be on a pursuit of purpose, I believe even though their doings are efforts, it is not the same as working ‘to earn your bread’. The solution, in my opinion lies not in telling people that live is not that bad, wo