Leave if you want to leave !!! poem

 











    How difficult when you cry without tears and how hard to fall in love with a lot of fears
When happiness is nothing but illusion everything in life seem the same
I won't leave with no return
how hard to speak without your voice and how difficult when the light darkness is what you see
you feel happiness is faraway unreachable dream I am alone lost with hard time from a hurting dream
                                    Leave if you want to leave!!!

     I said I love you and I mean my words Today I say to you that it was my decision to be for you
I will wait despite my burned heart if you are not my destiny you will be my choice
If I forget my name I will not forgot your tears cry melted from your eyes tears
The time will be wasted and I will not betray your covenant even if you can't over come the suffering and the shame !!
                                  Leave if you want to leave. 
     I won't explain the love in my heart to you My heart will be patient for the sadness of sadness-es
I learned in your absence how to deal with suffering I learned in your absence how to hide my weakness
                                Leave if you want to leave. 
     To me you are like frolicsome twilight you hang around the whole ways of departure
Like a wounded sparrowhawk you traveled with no pavement of peace...
Assassinate all forms of connection and thunder with reminiscence
Oh my love
                             Leave if you want to leave.
     every time I remembered and called you the cry weeped  for hearing me crying
and every time I looked at you the memories destroyed my entire entity And the nostalgia made a short cut straight to my heart
And the trailer of memories returned to tear the cuts of my aches
Tell me my love ? what if tears streamed down ! down on the cheeks who would clear those tears out ?                             Leave if you want to leave.
     Tell me ? what if the phantom of breakdown chased me behind the whole way of loss ?
Where shall I find shelter ? and where the end will be ?
Tell me what if the birds left my sky.. heading to the skyline of ruins ..?
Who would bring the singing of Bulbuls again?
                              Leave if you want to leave. 
     How can I draw a way of eternal bestowal  .... without your hand that support mine ! if it ever stumbled with demise ?
Tell me who would draw me of the detail of his features: for me to see the truth after the vanishing of mirage ?
                               Leave if you want to leave.       
Who would bring me back prudence after being foolish .
.... for my sake ..listen to my speech as it comes in one tone, a symphony of remembrance that I made you own !!!
And don't ask me if I miss you and miss being with you instead, Look between the line of your hands you will find me a prisoner fighting between my destiny and my choice !
Breath deeply ! you will find me as a very little atom fighting its parallels to find its way to you
Close your eyes !my phantom won't vanish from your fantasy !!
                               Leave if you want to leave.
    When I run away from the world none sense to you... touch the air you'd definitely feel my present
I am part of your entity I am some of you, I am entirely you, I am you !!
Gather my dispersion ! and sprinkle it on the layers of substantial pain if you decided to leave !
light up the night lamp in the daylight hours as the day light won't look like normal day no longer in the eyes.
     Cover me with the garment of remembrance as the cold will then breach of warmth and break up the ribs of nostalgia !! Leave if you want to leave... But let your departure be to the land of reunion not the land of neglect and lose !!
Be a home to me as I am orphan with no home, homeless drizzle with pain, I am a wound  !!
I am a wound with the feature of a human ! so be to me The way being homes feels like

Goddesses in Every Woman

 Jean Shinoda Bolen’s Goddesses in Every Woman discusses the archetypes that have powerful effects on the way women define themselves. They stand for the forces and potentials inside a woman’s personality, and provide the basis for self-identification either through the predominance of one archetype or the combination of several archetypes at once. The understanding of the seven discussed archetypes provides the key to women for their self-knowledge and wholeness. The archetypes used by Bolen are based on the Greek mythology and as a Jungian she uses them to define female possibilities of personality. In this role, she addresses how these archetypes show up in the individual as well as the collective Western culture and influence women and society in positive and negative ways. The spectrum of archetypal possibilities reaches from the autonomous Artemis, distant Athena to the nurturing Demeter and creative Aphrodite, and explains how to decide which one to foster, cultivate, or overcome, as well as how to employ the power of these enduring archetypes to gain further understanding and control of one’s life. This knowledge is useful, because it helps women and their society to understand the existing stereotypes and enable the individual woman to rise above the predominant archetypes within her and gain awareness and control of these forces by employing them in the way that is most suitable for her. Understanding the mechanisms and behaviors behind archetypes also enables women to analyze and comprehend the important female relations in their lives.

I found it encouraging that Bolen detaches herself form the reductionist stereotypes that are most common in Western culture to describe a richer and more rounded potential of women. She calls women to take initiative to know themselves and become aware of their potentials, as opposed to comply with the roles others have defined for them in their lives. She calls on them to become heroines, and to start writing their own storyline in a conscient way rather than flying on autopilot. Women are invited to learn about the variety of their inner potentials to improve their own lives and the relationships with those around them, especially other females.

Bolen also emphasizes at the end of her book that a woman needs to achieve wholeness as her path to ‘home’. This conquest ends in the union of opposites or the inner marriage of ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’, being active and receptive, being autonomous and intimate, in short developing a rich and well rounded personality.

For once, Bolen’s Goddesses in Every Woman provided me with a better understanding of the        struggle of women for their identity in the Western culture.

Having  girls of my own, I appreciated the insight into the potential forces within a woman that she is encouraged to explore in order to achieve self-knowledge and self-actualization. It is important to encourage our daughters to explore their possibilities and potentials with the awareness and self knowledge that enables them to look behind the ‘obvious’ and explore their deeper inner being to help them to overcome narrow stereotypes and roles that are tailored to small and limited to fit their wholeness.

I personally believe that it is a good thing to remind women of the reality that they are more likely to face ‘natural’ life stages of being throughout their life time than men are, because of their ability and the accompanying psychological needs of women to be mothers and caretakers. Very often the image most represented in the Western culture is the woman that ‘lives like a man’, independent and successful. While this is absolutely possible to achieve, it comes at a prize, as well as the decision of having children, which carries the potential to dramatically change a woman’s life in many unexpected ways. I appreciate the reasonable and realistic way Bolen addresses these life stages and points our awareness to them.

I struggle to achieve my dreams and not to avoid failure.

Going back to study and finish my degree in a complete different field than what I have studied before has been a long time “dream in the making”.

I am a professional engineer, just like all the males in my family are. Besides this “family tradition”, I also proved early on to be particularly skilled in this field. This offered enough obvious reason to take this path. 

Not that I am unhappy about it, but I think I am now again at a point where I am really looking forward to a new perspective, new opportunities and challenges. I am looking forward to moving something else than networks and wires and means of communications. I would like to move minds.

Mine first, of course – that’s how it all starts! But in the future I am hoping to be a teacher to others and to teach at an academic level. 

I think it’s my love to share new ideas and my enthusiasm for speaking and teaching that drives me. It is also my ability to analyze and gain a deeper understanding for things, events and people.

About 10 years ago, I decided to start an addition to my engineering career. I opened a restaurant business, which was a new challenge in a completely unknown field to me. Of course, I was aware that I could always fall back on my engineering expertise, but I had made an investment –financially, personally and professionally - and I was eager to see it succeed. I put a lot of time, work and sweat in it to get it where I wanted it to be and maybe I should now be content and relax a little. But I don’t feel like this is the end.

I have been working in the food business for over 10 years now and I have to admit, that even though it proved to me that I am able to work with people of all kinds and paths of life, I ended up feeling sometimes that I am intellectually at a dead end. It seems to me that the usual folks who work in the food business generally lack education and often motivation. Let’s face it, for the majority that is sadly the reason why they are doing a kind of job that offers very little possibilities of promotion or development.  As much as having a business is a daily challenge, I am missing an inspiring atmosphere, where new ideas and perspectives about significant issues are developed and shared.

Over the term of this class, these thoughts manifested themselves over and over again and my decision to go for the degree and career path that brought me to Belmont in the first place got reinforced by the experiences and exchanges I had a chance to make here so far. It seems like I came here already quite determined and it seems that I am going to pursue what I came for in the first place.

Currently, I am working on getting things organized here at the school to the point that I will later be able to pursue my studies I plan to aim at a PhD in Political economics.

Over the past weeks it became clearer to me that there are two dimensions to these decisions concerning my –hopefully- future career path: 

First of all, it is the possibility to have a job that encourages a life of learning in an environment that fosters investigation, analysis and discovery of new information and knowledge. It also offers the opportunity to share and develop this knowledge with others, colleges and students. This dynamic meets my own desire to develop myself and to help others to develop. People take so much for granted without ever getting down to the essence of things. I would love to teach students to really learn how to analyze, think and draw conclusions on their own. Unfortunately, most people are intellectually passive; they are spectators rather than participants even in issues that affect their lives greatly.

This brings me to the second dimension: the fact that economy is the governing factor of our lives. It determines not only our financial independence but also sadly often our mental, psychological and spiritual freedom and offers or restrains the possibilities that these fields offer to our personal lives. Economy is at first sight the science of finance and money, but if you look at it closely it turns to be a science of people: their behavior, their spending, their needs, their desires…so many human traits are represented by this single word. However, the majority of people believe that they cannot understand or comprehend it, because they were let to believe over time, that it is a science that rises over their intellectual capacities. I believe that this is untrue for the greatest part. Economy is such a practical field, that it can be understood by many more than presently believe that they can – and I would like to make it one of my missions to give others more understanding about it in terms that they will be able to grasp the concepts and underlying mechanisms of it.

Further on, history has proven time and time again, that “money rules the world”. So economy by itself wouldn’t give you the complete picture why things happen in this world the way they are happening. If not paired with political insight, economy stays on a level of commerce without really revealing to us the true motivations of political decisions. Politics are made by countries to secure their interests –sadly often enough- above all other motivations. In order to understand the relations between monetary interests and political decisions on a national and international level, only political science can offer the tools and means of evaluation and analysis for the past and –most importantly- the future.

My own country Egypt has lived through an eventful that brought a lot of change and hope to many. It also created a lot of expectations and fears. But it proved –and that is surely reason for hope- that money doesn’t always rule and that people can change their destiny and the destiny of their communities and countries by standing together against what they perceive as deep injustice and treason towards them. When people are knowledgeable, encouraged, and brave, than great things can happen. And this is the part of political science that surpasses the “just material” part of life. I feel very inspired by these events that took place in the country I grew up in and I love. This inspiration carried me through the last year, sometimes wishing that I could do more than just publishing my thoughts and opinions in videos online to support the brave citizens of Egypt. It is also one of the factors that carried my decisions during these meaningful last weeks, when it became clear to me that my vision of a new career might become reality through entering the school and starting the first steps one at a time, class by class.

As much as possible, I tried to choose classes that foster my skills in communications and analysis. Those that I thought were most likely to encourage independent thought, tolerance and informed interest in current affairs, those which I thought will teach the mechanisms of defining a problem and contributing to its solution. This will surely be one of my criteria for the future choice of classes, as well as the imposed restrictions that I have to take into account in order to be able to continue with my phd.

At this point of my life, going back to school is a completely different experience than my first studies. Today, I have to consider, how to sustain my family while I am studying and I have to carry on with my responsibilities towards them, my business, and my employees.

At this age, the “puzzle of live”, the landscape, has changed a lot and so have the demands and expectations of the people around me. There are so many factors to consider that I never had to think about in my early years when the only responsibility I had was myself. 

In the 1990’s, I started a telecommunication business early while still at college in Cairo (Egypt) and ran it during the following 5 years. I experienced a lot of stress and pressure related to the professional part of my life. However, I enjoyed the ups and -even the- downs much more with a carefree attitude than I would be able to do now. 

I am a person who naturally takes on his responsibilities and is very serious about them. I cannot fail those who depend on me and I will almost do my up most to meet my promises and what else I am required to do. Whenever I am –due to a situation not able to fulfill my promises, I will make it up to the person, because I feel that I cannot leave someone disappointed or discontent with me. I set the expectations towards myself high and I won’t be satisfied until I meet them.

As I went, I realized that communication is highly important in this phase of my life. On one hand, with my family: Because when time is of the matter, efficient communication is essential. Explaining myself and involving them in my planning has become even more important.

On the other hand, excellent communication skills are obviously also extremely important when dealing with my employees. As I am naturally less time around to supervise them now that I am studying, good communication habits are key. Being with them in the phone instead of being physically with them, facing the problem directly and on site often requires good analysis skills and precise answers from my side. They also have to feel that I am still with them –through my empathy, and I am still in control – through my decisions.

Often, employees will feel nervous or even overburdened when left with the responsibility of running the business in the absence of their employer.  So it is important to have a sensible schedule to get into regular contact with them, even if they do not contact me. It is reassuring for them, when I check on them and I stay in contact, so they know they aren’t going to face difficult situations all by themselves.

However, my managerial style is still a goal oriented one. If you reach the desired result, than you did the job. Everyone is different and therefore does things differently. Quite often there is more than one way to do things right and I recognize that. I don’t like to determine every single step in a process. I will give the big outline and where I want things to go and how I intend to get them there. You need to be on the same page with me, than you know what is expected of you. I believe giving this kind of freedom to my employees fosters their sense of responsibility and creativity. I am still there to guide, if they get stuck, but I want them to try it on their own and their way first.

On the way I try to teach them alternative ways to get things done, so they can develop and design your own “best practices” over time. The more someone is successful the more I put trust in him or her and I am willing to add new responsibilities.

It is basically a healthy balance between the delegating, trusting and the controlling, guiding side of managing.

However, work ethics are absolutely essential for me and I strive for the most ethical behavior myself when I deal with my employees – and I will always expect the same from them. My restaurant is a place of business and nothing else. I expect professionalism paired with high personal standards.                            This is something I will let any newcomer know, before they even enter the kitchen. You can learn how to bake a pizza, but you cannot learn values, ethics, and proper behavior, if you don’t have them already!                 Meaning, I am more than willing to teach you the technical part, but I expect you to know the meaning of manners, loyalty and respect for yourself and others.

Unfortunately, the field of food business seems to be the playground for a lot of peoples’ personal agendas and personal dramas. I am human and I can feel their difficulties and pain. However, I don’t believe that it is professional to bring these things to your work place. These things should be dealt with on a personal level –as that is the level they emerge from. They, most certainly, have nothing to do in the work relation with your employer or your co-workers. Unfortunately, this causes a lot of disturbance and stress in addition to the professional pressure and leads to the termination of many work relationships. This is sad, because as an employer and on a personal level I highly appreciate long-term work relations for their reliability and trust.

But in spite of disappointments and difficulties in my current business, job, studies and life, I learned that there is always ease after hardship. And without wanting to sound “over the top” here, I need to admit that seeing the struggle of some other students here at the school and the difficulties they face on a personal and professional level makes me appreciate my own situation much more.

It is humbling to know, that your own difficulties aren’t really as bad as they seem at times. I am aware that I struggle and that for a part because I challenge myself more than I would have to. But it makes me feel thankful to know that I do have choices and that I am not just forced to go with the flow because I am lacking other alternatives due to a certain situation.  I struggle because of the choices I am making and not because of an external circumstantial power that forces things on me. I struggle to achieve my dreams and not to avoid failure. And this makes all the difference!!!

How Good Do We Have to Be

How Good Do We Have to Be? by Harold S. Kushner is correctly subtitled ‘A New Understanding of Guilt and Forgiveness’ and this reflects what the author is trying to reveal throughout his book and his conclusions. Rabbi Harold Samuel Kushner is a prominent American Rabbi and a popular author. Kushner has written a series of theological books, some of them best-sellers, about human suffering and the affirmation of life. How Good Do We Have to Be? deals with the re-interpretation of biblical key events and their supposed messages in a Judeo-Christian light. Based on these revisions, the author is trying to develop an alternative view that should enable followers of the two beliefs to rethink their approaches in certain traditionally and historically conflict laden areas of their existence. He then offers an array of solutions on how to live in a more harmonic fashion with those around us that we cherish the most and that at the same time are often in the most complicated relationships with us.

            Kushner starts with the story of the rejection of Adam and Eva from paradise. According to him, this story has been radically misinterpreted through the ages as a story of disobedience and divine punishment, he claims. In a Judeo-Christian context, Adam and Eve are severely punished for one single mistake and driven out of paradise as a result. The author concludes that because of holding on to this interpretation through the ages, the believers started to hang on to the illusion that in life they could control events by doing everything right. Moreover, the God in this interpretation was portrait as an unforgivable and cruel God, which as a result prompted generations of parents to treat their children the same way, punish them with rejection, if they failed in the eyes of the parent. This, in Kushner’s opinion laid way to a society that linked guilt to shame and that considered their mistakes a lack or permanent flaw of themselves instead of separating the deed from the doer. He emphasizes that even though the role of the Israelite prophets was to bring the message and guidelines in how to follow the right life-codes, they themselves committed sins and mistakes. However, he concludes, God continued to love them; what he hated was the sin they might have committed, but not the person. Therefore, he deduces that a person does not have to be perfect to be loved, nor should one expect that the people around us are perfect, even or especially those that are most beloved to us. His message is that when you love, you should love the whole person with all their quirks and weaknesses, conscious of their faults. At some point he explains that his experiences as a clergyman and a counselor have taught him “that much of the unhappiness people feel burdened by, much of the guilt, much of the sense of having been cheated by life, stems from one of two related causes: either somewhere along the way, somebody - a parent, a teacher, a religious leader - gave them the message that they were not good enough, and they believed it. Or else they came to expect and need more from the people around them --- their parents, children, husbands, or wives - than those people could realistically deliver....” Consequently it is the unrealistic expectation that we ourselves could be perfect or someone in this world could be perfect that is haunting us in our perception of ourselves and our relations with others. Kushner declares that only if we are ready to forgive ourselves and the ones around us, are we able to become wholly-hearted or tamim (in proper translation ‘complete’) human beings. He also explains to the readers, that the three punishments that resulted from the expulsion from paradise, the labor to earn one’s living, pain and effort of procrastination and mortality, are actually important factors for our live and fulfillment as human beings, who are constantly looking for purpose, love and acceptance, and who need the reminder of time to be the best they can be during the time allotted to them.

I understand that in the concept of the Judeo-Christian traditions, Kushner might have touched on a subject that is important for many: The removal of guilt and shame for imperfections and the adjustment of the idea that God is cruel and chastising. Personally, however, while understanding his concerns and issues, I am having difficulties relating to the problems he is talking about. The interpretation, that Adam and Eve were punished and therefore banned from paradise is not the whole truth – I can agree with the author here. In the interpretations that I am familiar with as a Muslim, God knows from the moment He creates mankind everything about it. God is omniscient, and therefore a ‘mistake’ from the first created humans is not something that surprises him, makes him angry, or leads him to change the established course, that he has degreed for all humans. In the Qur’an, God introduces the human being to the angels; He has already announced to them, that this being is meant to live on earth. Therefore the angels answer: "Wilt thou place therein one who will make mischief therein and shed blood? Whilst we do celebrate Thy praises and glorify Thy holy (name)?" He said: "I know what ye know not." [Al-Quran, 2:30] According to this quote, does he not only know, that His creation will live on earth, but he is even aware that they are going to commit, what is called the ‘first murder on earth’ and many others after that. This does not leave much space for the speculation of a cruel god and therefore, in Islam, what is emphasized about God is His Forgiveness and Mercy. He is Merciful enough to care for his creation, their needs on all levels are taken care of and obviously, he practices forgiveness, which has already sufficiently proven by the examples Kushner provided himself concerning the stories of the prophets. He knows about our imperfections from the beginning, and He alone carries the right to be called perfect. How could we ever assume that the creation can surpass or equal the creator? Obviously, in my culture the guilt complex of the original sin does not exist. Therefore,  and because the only Perfect One is God, we do not struggle with the assumption, that we have to be perfect in order to be loved or cared for by God or others. We are aware that we are not perfect, but we also believe, that every human carries as a sign of his origin, a soul and a divine nature, in his or her blue print. This causes us to respect every human for what he or she is and we recognize that everyone carries a special blessing in his or her existence as part of a godly creation. When it comes to the difficulties of marriage, the Quran states: “….and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.” (Quran Al-Baqarah:216). This verse is calling us to adopt an attitude of tolerance, wisdom and forgiveness in our relationship, because oftentimes we do not know what is good for us, and a thing that we find unpleasant might be a thing that we need in our life, but we are lacking the wisdom to realize this and vice versa. Basically, this characterizes the way we are supposed to deal with human imperfections. Accepting these flaws into our life and dealing gently with it, as we are called on multiple occasions to treat people around us with kindness and understanding. One example is the tradition of the Prophet Muhammad, who said: “The best among you is the one who is the best towards his wife.” [Hadith-Muslim, #3466].

While becoming aware of the fact that the set of issues Kushner is discussing in his book is of little personal relevance for me, it made me realize, how much social and spiritual impact a misinterpretation of a single event of a scripture can bring onto a society and its members. It is astonishing to observe how the cycle of guilt and shame has been passed on –wrongfully- and how the negativity that is accompanying this interpretation has spread in realms of people’s existence that we would not suspect to be touched to this degree by an event that took place in a different context and has only be looked at so far from one single perspective (until Kushner offered his alternative interpretation).  

Although, the author is providing solutions for the issues he is raising, he misses the point from my perspective. I agree that humans look for a purpose in life, but that does not have to be through labor to support themselves, and it is most likely not the generally preferred way to bring purpose to someone’s life. In his examples the author names personalities like J.F. Kennedy and likes, in short people, who are wealthy enough that they do not have to work for their living any more. However, so Kushner argues they go out and work to give purpose to their lives. While I agree that these men or women might be on a pursuit of purpose, I believe even though their doings are efforts, it is not the same as working ‘to earn your bread’. The solution, in my opinion lies not in telling people that live is not that bad, wo

World religion

The most amazing discovery when one approaches the commonly known world religion, like Buddhism, Hinduism, Confucianism, Taoism, and the three Abrahamic religions - Judaism, Christianity and Islam - is definitely the fact that all these, as different as they might seem at first sight, have one common goal: The betterment of the individual and the society. It is all the more disheartening that in our daily life and encounters, we tend to largely focus on the differences instead of the similarities. Most of us claim to believe in something, and all of us believe that their way of thinking and the values they committed themselves to would be the best for the rest of society or the world.  In doing so, we largely forget that our own level of spirituality, in whatever faith we might have settled in, largely depends on our own spiritual maturity. Listening to others oftentimes offers us a valuable chance in picking up knowledge, even if it originates from another belief system, that can as a result foster the development of our own spiritual growth. When you study the messages of the world religions, you soon discover that there is plenty to learn about each of them. Each religion in itself is a rich source of inspiration – or, how would it have survived the challenges of time? It is amazing to dive into this knowledge and to look at things from a different perspective. Not seldom, this is also an opportunity to explore one’s own religion in comparison; Sometimes it initiates the search of certain subjects in our own religion in the curious request of how it was phrased here and there and what makes it different and what makes it alike.

Another insight gained from this class was the fact that certain religions do not seem to see the need for the recognition of a higher being in their belief system. Confucianism, Taoism and Buddhism all seem to relate to an idea of a very vague picture of heaven or path, which left me wondering about the part that worship takes in my own life. I was asking myself how they achieve the self discipline to follow their undoubtedly noble ideals and manners without the ‘controlling’ instance of a superior being and how much the individual is able to commit to an ideal out of his or her own motivation.

I also realized that in order to have a fruitful and productive interfaith dialogue, it is extremely important that you are familiar and well educated in your own belief. It is difficult to share your knowledge with others, if you do not know, or you cannot explain where it is coming from. It simply helps to prevent confusions and makes the communication easier and more informative for everybody.

Personally, I came to believe that the best way to explore the possibilities and opportunities of other religions is to be firmly grounded in your own belief, in a way that allows you to be tolerant and curious towards other views and perspectives. Learning about other religions has also shown me that these realms of openness are a characteristic that can be found in all religions, but are sometimes hard to see for someone firmly stuck in the formalities and rites of his or her beliefs only. It is even more impossible to reach this degree of mutual acceptance and openness, when political and personal aspects enter our views and positions of others, who are different in their religious beliefs. Very easily, people fall in the trap of prejudice when it comes to isolated events that are used by some group to title or portrait the 'offender' as the prototype for a religion and its followers. These are unfortunately very common strategies in politics and media,  and consequently these patterns promote ignorance and prejudice because they cater to an ongoing cycle of artificially created demand to maintain the once -equally artificially- formed opinions in society. Therefore, to achieve the necessary open-mindedness and the ability and readiness to learn from other faiths, requires us to do an enormous preliminary effort that concerns our own souls and hearts. If we do not cultivate ourselves through reflection about our own motives and pattern of thinking and speech, we will limit ourselves continuously to a certain level of mental ability in taking in and processing different perspectives  and views that could ultimately enrich us and teach us to be better individuals and better parts of the human society.